soul

i don't know why.. it's just me.. i'm a human being that has heart and brain.. to be happy, to be sad, to be sorrow, to be pain, to be health, to be loved, to be pressure, to be what ever i want it to be..
but sadly sometimes i don't know how to express my feeling.. but when i think of it, why should i express it out as 'they' express their feeling's to someone.. maybe it's fine you express it to the beloved one.. but for me.. i'd rather choose to keep it.. but sometimes , when i am really sick of it, it will explode and plentiful of tears come out so easily..whether in front of my friends, public or anywhere.. don't judge that i am the attention seeker.. no.. but that is me which i can't stand anymore.. i'd keep as long as i can.. but once i'm explode, it would be better than i keep it.. trust me.. cry is the best way to control all of your pain..yeah i did it.. and it's too many time but only random people knows about it.. but smile is also a good way to make people happy, or just to comfort my own hearts.. try it..
everybody have a problem.. who doesn't have it, well might be he or she is nuts.. but guess what, sometimes i just want everybody to understand me.. you never know why i act that way.. well i think some people is lucky to have em' their own caretaker.. and some people is more unlucky than compare to us.. but to those is lucky one, please.. i'm begging you not to complaining what god have gave to us.. be grateful to Allah.. HE gave you everything.. money, food, house, knowledge and every single thing have its reason.. so ,the best way to face all the pain,pressure,extreme pain,heart broken or any else, is PRAY.. it is all obstacle from Allah.. HE want us to be strong and be patient..all i can say is, mom .. i miss you.. really, i need you to understand me.. i don't need other things.. i just need you.. yes you mom.. i love you so much..and now i'm bigger enough to judge what's good or bad..to think mature, to estimate my own problem.. but i also never forget about you.. what happen between us is a big mistake..  it is you that i need.. but why.. i guess you'll never get this.. but i just want you to know.. i still have a best mom that i ever had..don't leave me alone, again.. thanks mom, for everything..love you..
sincerely your daughter :)